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Blog 4: Random thoughts and musings

 Random musings. I actually have a few ideas, like 'what if' ideas, but I forgot. I thought about one just now and I forgot. I thought about one yesterday and I can't recall it.  On the other hand, I sort of had the anxiety? / boredom? / uncertainty? - attack? yesterday. Couldn't sleep at 3 plus at night, with the kids sleeping and the wife pumping milk and breast-feeding, and thinking about she who must not be named here. I think about her all the time, to the point where I feel that she is my true love. But I did not fight for her. And I can't too. I am in the wrong. And I lack the ability to.  Anyway, random thoughts no.1. An overreliance on the good things in the future. Where there's clean energy, like hydrogen fuel, and everything is automated, and everything is provided. So...there shouldn't be class distinction? But knowing how humans make everything dystopian eventually, there should be. It's how governments becomes ultra-powerful. And everythin...
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Blog 3

 It has been a long time since I have written on this blog, now feels like a good time. I am rewatching Dark Water, 2002 Japanese version. I can see the symbols and the foreshadowing more clearly now. Perhaps it will help me in my writing.  I went drinking by myself just now, discovered a place for craft beer. Drank 4 glasses, I think. Was a bit buzzed but not too bad. It was only in that state of mild intoxication that I could bring myself to do what I fear to do, which I did, and it was kind of nice. Then, the buzz wore off, I drank lots of water and rested, and I drove back to the confinement centre.  The baby is sleeping and feeding, everyone is sleeping, and then there's me. It is 2024 and I have three kids and am jobless and studying, and writing poetry mostly. For fun. I have plans to write stories, but maybe soon. I have just finished my assignment so I should have some spare time.  I need to go to Nottingham to double check on my timetable. Being part-time, ...
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Blog 2

 Yesterday I watched Adaptation, a meta-movie about writing a screenplay. That's all I'm gonna say. It's the same director of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which I guess was very meta as well, but absolutely wonderful to watch. Submitted two stories to Ricepaper and Apparition. Been sleeping at 2 plus every night, and waking up early in the morning to fetch the kids. Hardly any friends, since I am always at home.  Finished writing a story yesterday titled Flies. When I read my first few stories, I felt the language was much more colourful, sharper and probably better than my latest story. My latest story feels very stilted. But, hopefully, it will get easier.  After everything that has happened, it probably won't. But at least I'm getting back into it? And probably this blog will help as well. It's like I'm writing for the world, but at the same time, it feels private since no one will probably read this anyway. And anyone who stumbles upon this blo...
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Blog 1

 My first blog.  Figured this would be something healthy, for me to express myself in a personal way, yet also with an audience in mind, because God knows, I am so desperately lonely. I feel like I am the only one feeling this way, though every article and movie and word of wisdom keeps on saying otherwise, that everyone else is feeling the same way. I feel as if I am the only one that does not have a job, rely on his parents to keep his family afloat, a wife and two kids, with another one on the way. I can't talk much to anybody except for babies and children, small children, toddlers perhaps. I can't ask them much about what they do, lest they ask me back. But even if they do, I will just say the truth. It does get uncomfortable.  Anyway, I have been watching a lot of movies lately, and the Office, for the third time probably, up till season 7, always season 7. Steve Carell leaving just takes the fun factor out. I feel like I have a lot of his character in me. Michael S...
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