darkwanderer's chronicles

 Random musings. I actually have a few ideas, like 'what if' ideas, but I forgot. I thought about one just now and I forgot. I thought about one yesterday and I can't recall it.  On the other hand, I sort of had the anxiety? / boredom? / uncertainty? - attack? yesterday. Couldn't sleep at 3 plus at night, with the kids sleeping and the wife pumping milk and breast-feeding, and thinking about she who must not be named here. I think about her all the time, to the point where I feel that she is my true love. But I did not fight for her. And I can't too. I am in the wrong. And I lack the ability to.  Anyway, random thoughts no.1. An overreliance on the good things in the future. Where there's clean energy, like hydrogen fuel, and everything is automated, and everything is provided. So...there shouldn't be class distinction? But knowing how humans make everything dystopian eventually, there should be. It's how governments becomes ultra-powerful. And everythin...

 It has been a long time since I have written on this blog, now feels like a good time. I am rewatching Dark Water, 2002 Japanese version. I can see the symbols and the foreshadowing more clearly now. Perhaps it will help me in my writing.  I went drinking by myself just now, discovered a place for craft beer. Drank 4 glasses, I think. Was a bit buzzed but not too bad. It was only in that state of mild intoxication that I could bring myself to do what I fear to do, which I did, and it was kind of nice. Then, the buzz wore off, I drank lots of water and rested, and I drove back to the confinement centre.  The baby is sleeping and feeding, everyone is sleeping, and then there's me. It is 2024 and I have three kids and am jobless and studying, and writing poetry mostly. For fun. I have plans to write stories, but maybe soon. I have just finished my assignment so I should have some spare time.  I need to go to Nottingham to double check on my timetable. Being part-time, ...